THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES - 1977
Directed by Paul Morrissey

Something to put you off having a massage for the rest of your life, as Rita gives Peter Cook the roughest one in film history! In a short prelude to the scene Rita is one of a group of three masseuses and cackles as Cook, her client, enters the room. When we next see Rita the massage-from-hell is already in progress. The dialogue kicks off as Rita gets rougher and rougher slapping Peters back. "First time ere?", "Yes it is", "What's yer name?", "Aagh! (in pain), John Watson", "What do you do dear?", "I'm a doctor", "Ohhh (very excited, hitting harder than ever), my boyfriend's always wanted to be a doctor, he's working down the docks. 'Ere have you got any contacts? You know, somebody who might give him a few breaks!", "Not really no", "Oh don't want to do no operations or nothing like that. He's quite willing to start diagnosing, you know for a start. He's ever so clever, only the other day he said I had a cold. Come on turn over (she rolls him over and sneezes twice on his chest, and rubs it off with a cloth). Oh I am sorry dear". Peter gets up, putting on his hat shouting, "It's more my idea of a medieval torture chamber. Who do you practice on, elephants? Rita shouts, "Hold it, I know that face, (shouts to the other old hags), 'ere, Patsy Nell (PatsySmart), who'd you thinks having a go with old Siv? Bloody Sherlock Holmes". "Cor you're right Siv, it's him (starts to pinch him) you have put on a bit of weight haven't you? You don't look much like your drawings". Peter replies, "Well you three ladies are not exactly what I'd expected either". He runs to the door as Rita shouts angrily after him, "Service is not included!" He turns back and shouts "So I've noticed!"