to ham it up as the fortune teller "Madam Rita"
playing alongside camp (in a blonde wig) Kenn Parry who's
character 'Podsnap' is running away from a couple of thugs,
Rita is seen sitting outside her fortune-tellers hut,
and shouts to him"ere sir the mysteries of
life, straight, look, ere, come inside, come on, please,
Madam Read yer, madam read yer, come on"
Parry is pulled inside by Rita, and the rest of the scene
takes place inside the hut.Rita
"Now what's it gonna be, the ball, the cards,
or the hand?" Kenn "What, er, oh
I don't want to buy anything" Rita
"Oh know, you don't understand, you see you
can have the ball, the cards or the hand cos I've got
the fluence to use them all" (Madame R's
pet parrot interrupts) Parrot - "lying witch"
yer silly bugger, oh I am sorry sir, now what's it gonna
be, the ball, the card or the hand?" Kenn
- "Well whatever you suggest" Rita
- "Oh I am glad you said that sir, cos' looking
at you I'd say the hand, with a little bit of the ball
thrown in, but I must tell yer in all fairness the hand
is a little bit dearer" Kenn "Why
it says outside the entire reading for one-pound"
you're dead right on that score sir, of course being a
romany you've got to cross my hand with silver, you do
understand dontcha, dontcha?" Kenn (fumbles
for some money) "I see" Rita
"Don't delve to deep sir hahahaha, oh fifty-pence
pieces if you please sir, ah that's alright, now give
me yer hand, yer left one and let us see what we can see,
ohhh there's plenty ere, it's the plane as the nose on
you've had trouble with a man haventcha?" Kenn
- "Two men actually" Rita
"No there's only one man and
he's in a high place, and you're on a quest and I can
see stones, have you had an illness recently?" Kenn
- "No not that I can think of" Rita "Gaul
stones?" Kenn "No I had a touch of
bronchitis last month" Rita
- "No it's not that, I can only see stones,
you're surrounded by them, are you sure you haven't had
any trouble with your water works?" Kenn
- "quiet sure" Rita
- "Oh, all I can see is stones, stones and
stones" Kenn - "Stones?, it's Brighton
beach, their the stones, I'm on the right path" Rita
- "No, no your not where you should be, you're
on a quest and it's further afield, but yer gonna travel,
that's that line there that tells me that, but I think
I'll look at me ball, ah yes it's coming clearer now,
ere we are, there's someone very high up who's gonna drop
a load of trouble on your shoulders (The Parrot who is
above him relieves himself) Ohhh I am sorry sir, but yer
see since he's been living on the pier I ain't been able
to get him house trained, but wait a minute, oh it's coming
through now, yes, em, I've got to be very blunt about
this, have you had anything to do with any women lately?"
Kenn - "No not that I can think of"
Rita - "Well
I can see the letter 'C', 'C' 'C' 'C', is it Christopher?"
Kenn -"Christine" Rita
"ah it's coming very near now,
I think I'll use me cards" Kenn "Oh
yes please do, do try the cards, tell me more, tell me
more Rita - "Now
sit quiet sir, you sit there and I'll tell yer what I'm
gonna do, I'm gonna let it come out all natural like,
tell me, tell me, you are going where birds fly free,
stones, stones, look for the stones, oh dear I'm
exhausted, I've told you everything, I've given you a
double helping of everything, the balls, the cards and
the hand, I think I outta charge you a little bit more,
it's only fare isn't it? (he gives her a note) Blimey
I can't change this!" Kenn
- "Now you're sure ive got to look for the stones?"
"You can depend upon it, you can take the word
of a Romany" Parrot - "Lies, all lies"
Rita - (Stuffing the
money down her bra) "I'll kill you yer bastard"